Dog food diet, have you tried it?

[RPM]

Yesterday I was at Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal
pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman
behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? Since I'm retired and have little to
do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
a$$ and a car hit us both..

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Target won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.

 

[der Spieler]

Great!!!!!!!!!!

 

[speedkills502]

That made my day great,I wish is was there.:lol::lol:

 

[norseman]

Weve got a guy in the shop whos a little on the slow side, I call him captain obvious. Things like, "did ya get a haircut?" or "are those new boots?" Its never ending and he never fails to ask about the tiniest detail. He WILL catch it. I bet I could put a spin on that and have him sold on my being on the purina diet.. lolol Im gonna go fishin in the morning..Thanks Ron.. lololol

 

[LumenAl]

That was so good, I had to borrow it.. but since I'm not retired, I just substituted old for retired... worked out just fine!

Man that was funny...

 

[T-Odd]

A friend was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:



A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading the items on the conveyor belt to check out,
a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
the selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital
status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "Cause you're f*n ugly."

 

[dovehunter79]

A friend was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:



A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading the items on the conveyor belt to check out,
a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by
the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
the selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital
status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "Cause you're f*n ugly."

HAHAHA> thats great!!!! LOLOLOL

 

[MRYoung]

OMG That's FUNNY! :rofl: :clap::clap::clap::clap: