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From Tub-T


Active Member
On the NTBA boards....
"Behold, the Children of Grabowski were sore oppressed."

Every man turned his hand against them, yea, even the builders of billet
and the purveyors of plating, for they said, "They are not street
rodders; they have not paid enough for their chariots, and all the world
hath had a T bucket chariot as surely as all the world, save our parents
Adam and Eve, hath a bellybutton. And they were loathe to allow the
followers of Grabowski to join their chariot festivals or appear in
their monthly chariot scrolls."

And the providers of indemnity and the enforcers of the law and the
priests of the DMV also oppressed them, for, they said, "They are surely
not really what they seem to be, and they must be oppressed, or they
shall surely multiply."

And the cries of the Children of Grabowski rose to the heavens, and they
were heard by the Lord. And he looked down upon their misery, and he
pitied them.

Wherefore, the Lord said to the children of Grabowski, "Verily, I say
unto thee, all who construct the bucket, and hotrod the T, I have heard
thy cries, and I shall help thee."

"Unto those of thy hobby who look down upon thee, I shall put envy in
their hearts that thou hast great enjoyment in thy chariots, without the
investment of great wealth. They shall see thee having fun, and they
shall say unto themselves,
"Perhaps these are truly worthy chariots, and we have been unjust in
scorning them. We shall invite them to our festivals of chariots, and we
shall publish images of them in our scrolls, and we shall no longer
treat them as the red-headed children of doubtful lineage, as we have

"Unto the providers of idemnity, I say thou shalt provide a fair
protection for a fair price reflecting your true exposure. Seek not to
deny the Children of Grabowski their fair recompense in the case of loss
due to accident, fire, or theft, lest the same be meted out to you, and
you shall be cast into the outer darkness with the lawyers who have
misled thee into iniquitous ways."

"And unto the enforcers of the law, I say unto them thou shalt not
harass the Children of Grabowski merely for the enjoyment thereof.
Remember that these are small chariots with many horses, and the
temptation to make the tires cry out and their smoke to ascend up to the
heavens is sore, and resisted only with great difficulty."

"Speak to the charioteers kindly, and they shall gladly assist thee in
thy charities and even transport you in their chariots, making glad thy

"And to the priests of the DMV, thou dost sorely tempt me to cast thee
into the outer darkness with the lawyers and their slaves, where there
is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, for thou art surely a
thorn in the side of the Children of Grabowski. I say unto thee, there
are numerous ways to meet thy multitudinous requirements, but none seem
to satisfy thee.

"And to the Children of Grabowski, thou shalt treat all these who have
oppressed you in a kind and gentle fashion, though surely they richly
deserve otherwise. Such treatment shall heap coals of fire upon their
heads, for they knowest well they deserve it not, and it shall serve
thee well to be thought of as not returning treatment in kind."

"Now, thou mayest legalize thy chariots by one of the following five

l) "Thou mayest title thy chariot in accordance with the SEMA Model
Street Chariot Registration Law, providing that thy state hath adopted
this law. This is the best method, but yea, I say unto thee, such states
are few and far between. If thou art fortunate enough to dwell in such a
state, thy chariot shall be called by the year which it resembles, and
thou needest only meet the chariot requirements for that year."

ll) "Thou mayest buy an original vehicle with a title, discard all that
thou needest not, and build thy bucket chariot to thine own needs, then
title it with the original title. This is the method that most suits the
priests of the DMV, but behold, there be far too few original vehicles
for this to work for everyone, and it is a waste of the few remaining.

lll) "Thou mayest buy an original title for a vehicle that hath passed
from existence, for rust they are, and unto rust they shall return,
leaving only paperwork behind. Thou shalt stamp the original number of
the beast, also called the VIN, into the frame, thou shalt have the
vehicle inspected, and thou shalt present thy title to the priests of
the DMV.
Say onto them, "Lo, I bring forth a title for a Model T chariot which I
have purchased, and pray thee to stamp thy approval upon it with metal
tags." " Thou shalt not mention the words hot rod, T bucket, nor "built"
in the presence of the priests of the DMV, for surely they will find thy
paperwork wanting."

lV) "Thou mayest send thy paperwork to a title laundering service, which
shall provide thee a new title due to the loopholes of their state. Then
thou shalt present thy new title to the priests of the DMV, again
heeding mine admonitions of when to speak, and when to keep thy counsel
to thyself.

V) "Thou mayest present thyself as a vehicle manufacturer to the DMV,
having built a truly new and marvelous chariot. Be thou warned, however,
that thou must present the chariot to the inspectors, who will test
whether it well and truly is a new chariot. Thou must prove that thou
hast provided all the current things required by the king of thy
country, being safety restraints, door reinforcement, air bags, ABS
brakes, and emissions controls. Whilst thou do this, remember that no
new chariot since 1987 hath passed thy nation's laws regarding the clean
breathing out of the horses without a number machine controlling the
injection of the oats."

"If the wise men and alchemists of GM, Ford, and Chrysler hath not found
a way to make a clean horse with a carburetor, what chance hath thou?
Therefore, this last method shall be used only in very limited cases."

Thus spoke the Lord to the Children of Grabowski.
That is sooooo coool. I'm printing it out so I can hang it in a place of honor in the shop.


Hail the King "Normy Poo!"

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