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These may of not be funny

der Spieler

It depends on whether or not you need the services of an attorney. If you do, choose wisely.

[FONT=&quot]These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by [/FONT][FONT=&quot]court reporters[/FONT][FONT=&quot] that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: This [/FONT][FONT=&quot]myasthenia gravis[/FONT][FONT=&quot], does it affect your memory at all? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Yes. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: I forget. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Are you shitting me? [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Yes. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Getting laid.[/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Yes. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: How many were boys? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: None. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: By death. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Take a guess. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Oral.[/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the best for last..... [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And these Guys charge upwards from $100 per hour.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Thanks Steve that brought tears to the eyes still laughing.Nice way to start a Monday.
Awsome stuff Steve. I go along with Rick, I'm typing this with blurred vision. Thanks.


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