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Zen Sarcasm

51Cards

New Member
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going
to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to
do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like
everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a
mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach
him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink
beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the
windshield

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold
it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until after
you need it.

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

21. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
 
OK... may favs were...

51Cards said:
Always remember that you're unique. Just like
everyone else.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
missing a couple of car payments.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach
him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink
beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.


There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
 

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