Bro, here's what I found out. I built my car for me. Anything else is a bonus. I try not to go to shows, I go to meet ups and cruises. Not to get away from being judged, but just the attitude. If I go to a show, it's because I know a friend or a group of friends will be there. The trailer queens and gold chainers will usually have the attitude you describe.
For me, every stop light is a show. People look and 90% don't even know what they are looking at, but they like it and if they don't, oh well. It's different, maybe they saw one in a movie, maybe they only thought they were for show and not for the street, all they know is, it's cooler and sounds better and is different than that "Detroit go to work box" they are driving. Which most likely came from Japan.
Dude.... you built a car. You got it registered, inspected and licensed, if someone were to ask you when you put a certain bolt in you could tell 'em. Because it is YOURS. That's part of what makes us what we are. We don't fit a certain peg or group. Individualism at it's best.
One question.... did you and your wife have a cool time driving your car? If the answer is "yes", then mission accomplished. That's the praise. You drove your car with your lady? The attitudes are something I wouldn't have even noticed. Besides, most of the folks you're talking about probably didn't even have a hot rod and if they did they probably trailered the damn thing, someone else built it or maybe they dropped big bucks on it and didn't even touch a wrench. If they behaved that way, then let 'em be. You build it for YOU. They weren't there when she first fired off. They weren't there when you snuck that first drive. You were. In YOUR hot rod. Please yourself, man. The a-holes will fall by the way side.
Ride on, man.

Leave the a-holes to their own world and problems.
Here.... substitute T Buckets in this Harley commercial. That's us. Find your herd and RIDE HARDER.
[ame]